


Fix Me, Break Me, and Fix Me Again

by pxris67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anorexia, Cheating Dean Winchester, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cutting, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Sex, Sharing a Bed, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 05:36:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18176531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxris67/pseuds/pxris67
Summary: Saying that Castiel Shurley is depressed would be an understatement. His whole life he has been criticized and abused by his parents for being gay, and used by people he thought could actually love him for the damaged boy he happens to be.College was just an excuse to get away from his terrorizing family, besides Gabriel and Lucifer, they loved him for who he was no matter what, given the fact that Gabriel was also gay, and Lucifer believes that everyone is equal.All he wanted to do was get through college as quick as he went in, that is until he meets a certain emerald eyed, freckled, dusty blonde haired boy named Dean Winchester.This boy was the best and worst mistake of his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just the prologue!! Other notes at the end.

**"There is a distinct, awful, pain that come with loving someone more than they love you."**

**< ><><><><><><><><><><><><>**

There is always going to be love in this mysterious world we happen to live in. Whether it's family love; the kind of love that you fight for, you sacrafice for. Or whether it's the love for a friend; the kind you try for, you get through things for. Then there's the love you feel for your significant other; the kind of love that burns within you with a passion so vibrant it makes you question how it's even possible, but most importantly it makes you vulnerable. And that's the scariest part.

  Love isn't as easily found as it once was years ago. There are more often one night stands, or summer flings, but never really true love. True love is when you'd do anything for one another, no matter the cost, even if it's lying. True love is not loyalty or honesty like it's said to be. You can be completely in love with someone, even if they've broken your heart for what seems like a million times. True love is being hurt, but fighting for what you have anyway, because what you have is that special. That person means the world to you, and you don't want to let them go, so you fight for them.

  Don't think that there won't be tears because, trust me there will be. There will be tears along with sadness, anger, and helplessness, but don't believe that true love is all pain because the truly amazing parts are what keep you going. The happy moments, the laughter, the compassion, and the overwhelming love you see when you look into the eyes of the person you love the most. 

  That is why I kept fighting. I fought for love and that was the best thing that's ever happened to me. There were times when I thought it was the worst decision of my life, but in the end I wouldn't trade him for the world.

  My name is Castiel Shurley and this is the story of how I fell in love, how my heart was broken repeatedly, and how it was rebuilt, all three done with a pair of emerald green eyes and freckled skin.


	2. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiels first day of college, meeting new people, and taking different chances.

**"Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven?"**  

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

  The campus was smaller than he thought it'd be.The autumn draft flowed past him swiftly, causing goosebumps to appear upon his arms. The buildings were tall, and in Castiels opinion, intimidating.

  It was Castiels nineteenth birthday, and for celebration he was sent to college. His mother lectured him to excel in all of his classes, and find him a pretty girl to bring home for family festivities in the winter. She new he was gay, and yet she refused to believe it. On the excruciating car ride to the university they made a receptive trip to the town pharmaceutical to collect Castiels prescription, Zoloft. Most commonly known as a drug to succor depression, and PTSD, and he happened to have both. Castiel had tried numerous medications, and none of them seemed to relieve the problem at all. He began depressed at fourteen but,  the medication and weekly visits to the doctors and therapists began when Castiel was fifteen and in eighth grade.

  _A shuddered, shaky breath emerged from Castiels throat as a thick, red, vile substance slowly slid down each of his arms, making it's way to the tiled bathroom floor._

_"How could you do this Castiel? You're going to rot in hell for the sin you've committed! You're lucky I even take you to the hospital!" His mothers shrill voice rang through his ears, until the world went black and for once in his life he felt okay. That is until he woke up._

  "Dorm one-forty five, one-forty five, where the hell?" Castiel questioned in a hushed tone, switching his ocean blue eyes up to doors every once and a while to contemplate where he was. He heard quiet footsteps behind him, but didn't pay it much attention until a rough, yet somehow calming voice approached from his side.

  "Hey, you look new. Looking for your dorm?" The voice said, Castiel turned to his left, and there he was.

  His emerald green eyes vibrantly shining like crystal's, his light chestnut brown, messily spiked hair played out upon his head, and don't forget the light brown freckles that dance upon his prominent cheeks. A smirk played upon his excelling lips, his jawline a sin. There was mischief played in those enthralling eyes of his.

  Castiel himself had piercing ocean eyes that glistened brightly when the sun hit them just right, raven black hair placed messily upon his head as if he just woke up, his fair skin always  bringing out the blue of his alluring eyes, his lips placed with no emotion, but they were astoundingly plump. Despite his undeniable beauty, the bags under his eyes showed that he has had a long day, or days.

  "I, um, I happen to be doing so, yes." Castiel displays, not moving his gaze from the eyes that seemed engulfed in his own.

"Wow, so formal," the freckled boy states, "well I happen to know this place like the back of my hand. I was just heading to my dorm, I can help if you'd like." The boy politely offers.

  Castiel ponders for a moment. Paranoia tugging at him, he thinks about all the possible outcomes. This man could be a psychopath ready to kill him when he gets to his room, he could be a secret agent attempting to collect information from his tragic past, he could be a-Stop. Castiel thinks, remembering what Gabriel had said to him before he left.

  "Live in the moment brother. Meet new people, take chances, forget about your life here. Except for me and Lucifer of course."

  Castiel returns his attention to the stranger, taking a deep breath, and slowly but surely nodding his head. A smile traveled upon the mans face, as he watched Castiel nod his head.

  "Good. My names Dean Winchester. I'm an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women, sometimes men." Dean's smirk returned to his appealing face, Castiel couldn't seem to tear his gaze. So he was bi? Castiel thought. So he most likely wouldn't have a problem with Castiel being gay right? Castiels parents seemed to....No. Take chances, new beginning. Just like Gabriel encouraged.

  "I-I'm Castiel Shurley, I um, I like writing, and the color green, and I'm uh, I, I like boys." Castiel faltered.

  His heart was beating and he could feel his hands begging to shake, like when he talked to any new person unfortunately.

  "So your gay?" Dean questioned.

  Castiels heart stopped. Dean probably didn't wish to be around him anymore like everyone els-

  "Cool. Castiel. I like that, but it's sorta a handful. Mind if I call you Cas?" Dean resumed.

  Castiel was quite shocked. No one had ever reacted that way when he told them the truth. No one has ever called him 'Cas'.

  "I um, I don't mind." Castiel speaks.

  "Alright Cas, so what's your dorm number?" Dean asks, the name 'Cas' rolling off his tongue perfectly. Castiel glanced at his paper again to double check.

  "One-forty five." He answers bouncing on his feet ever so slightly. Dean smiles a bit at Castiels nervousness.

  "Looks like we're neighbors, I'm room 201, right across from yours. Your dorm mates name is Garth. He's kind of a freak, but he's a nice guy." Dean explained shaking his head with a small humor filled smile when Garth's name was mentioned.

  Castiel nods his head, paying close attention to the things that Dean had to say. They walked side by side as their rooms approached. Dean stops at a door with a whiteboard upon it that says, 'Dean Winchester' and 'Benny Lafitte'. On the corner of the board was the words, 'I'm batman'. A smile tugged at Castiels lips at the humorous words and Dean seemed to notice.

  "Wow Cas that's the first I've seen you smile since you've got here. Probably cause you just met batman, huh?" Dean said with a straight face, before a grin placed itself eagerly. Castiel looked at his feet, cheeks flaming, and embarrassment taking over. You can probably tell Cas doesn't get compliments often.

  "Relax, it's just a joke. By the way, tomorrow my classes don't start until two, I can show you around, you know get you to know the place?" Dean offers rubbing the back of his neck, playing it off as a scratch.

  Take chances. Take chances. Take chances.

  "I don't see a problem with that. I'd be pleased to allow you to introduce me to the area." Castiel replies, making his decisions. He should let himself do this more often.

  "Good, I'll come by at ten tomorrow? Or if that's too early I can-"

  "No ten is adequate. I appreciate your generosity." Castiel cuts Dean off, and thanks him with his formal wording. He isn't always this formal among people he has known, or trusts. Though he had only just met Dean.

  "Alright. I'll see you then. Oh, and don't get 'Garthed'." Dean reminds Castiel, whilst shoving the key into his own door. Castiels head tilts, and his elegant eyes squint in utter confusion.

  "G-Garthed?" Castiel questions Dean. Dean just laughs, a hearty laugh. A laugh that Cas wouldn't mind hearing more often.

  "You'll see. See you tomorrow Cas." Dean replies a smirk playing on his face.

  "I suppose I will. See you tomorrow Dean." Castiel says back, still wondering what getting 'Garthed' was, not sure if he wanted to know. Dean walked into his dorm as Castiel began unlocking his own. Both doors closed, and Castiel sighed softly against his door.

  Dean Winchester was going to play some role in his life. He didn't know what, but he knew he would. Little did he know that, that role would be the change in his life that he wouldn't and couldn't go without. The change that he didn't know he needed. The role that would make him question everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! So this is a book I've had an idea for for a long time, and I will hopefully be getting someone to do art to go along with it.


End file.
